But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. But no cuddling, spooning, showers, surprise hugs or squeezes, in bed we may as well be cousins or brother and sister as we just sleep on our own side and no touches. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. It makes me feel sick. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Praying for these husbands. That leads to no communication and uselessness. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. Ive tried everything I can think of but Ive given up. We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. When was the last time you went out on a date together? No way you are real!!! She doesnt even let me see her naked. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). I NEED an active partner. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Withholding sex as punishment is hostile you deserve better. She NEVER asks but will tell me I can have it whenever I want. Thats whats even more hurtful. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. Just arent attracted to him anymore? What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. Not the husband its always the mom. Seriously? Resentment Colors your entire relationship gray. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! I dont know what to do!
13 Subtle Signs Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You Anymore - And 5 He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. Good luck. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. If your vagina is dry, find out why. Not fun! Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. Just told her I wasnt going to follow all her B.S rule and moved out of the bedroom. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. Thank you, great essay. Sigh . Shes my buddy. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. I work part time at a day care and I find that when I havent gotten sleep the night before, my patience with the kids is really tested. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! Women love that. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. Thank you Jeff! We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Hasnt been for 15 years. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. When women feel used and men dont ever reciprocate, of course they lose interest. She believes relationships should be easyand that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. Nothing physical. Sorry Mate. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Were just a hole for your pole . She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. At that time my job became demanding. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. I started seeing sex workers. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. I have a TON of frustration that has built up for years. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Thomas, I agree! Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. Ive no where to go. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Someone on the side. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. I too have never cheated. And that's perfectly fine! "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. Leave her, even if youre alone. I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. And I cook, shop for food, take care of dogs and have. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. Sucks to be me, right! i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. I am fairly attractive and I. Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. I felt rejected at times, but I learned that what postpartum moms go through physically and emotionally is intense. He is overly stressed from work. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. I have been married since 1983. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. How about just being happy with love and affection? If you deny one you put a wall around the other. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. We dated for 30 years and finally got married. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. 2. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. If us men were all so lucky! Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. 24 years younger than I. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. . */ Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. So I backed off of seeing this person. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? Now the difficult part. Just has zero desire. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Your situation is my situation ! I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. I knew I had to do something. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); If you are not. :(, Wow Chris D!! Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. But dont give up! It seems a waste in the end. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. They need not be. mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. Adding, However, just because your wife avoids physical contact doesnt necessarily mean theres bound to be infidelity involved. For the writer of this letter/question . Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. Another way to improve lack of sexual desire is to change things up in the bedroom. Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting.
Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: 24 Warnings & Ways To Win Love 1. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. Try DHEA. Frustrated. I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. I go through the details of your sexual life. "The typical, goal-oriented 'round-the-bases' approach to sex doesn't inspire, arouse, or satisfy women," relationship coach Bez Stone writes at mbg. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. By Joan Price Anything less is slow sewer side. Nothing arouses it. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. It might be seen as an act of charity on the womans part, but is it really a healthy recipe for life? We are just roommates. Tell her how much I love her. In the meantime,, get naked and take care of your partners needs because as you can see on this strand, there are plenty of people out there who will! Weve been married for 37 years. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. I just dont understand. He doesnt even like to kiss. Like I have a total stranger as a house guest. Just as women receive and need emotional connection, men provide a different way of showing their connection to their woman. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; Having said that, it still stinks. 2 children later sex was still fun. She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. Sex should be mutually inclusive. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. Its time to change your strategy. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. Thrown into menopause way too young. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Its a bummer most times. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. Super heart broken!!! What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. She may begin to stop seeing herself as a sexual being as she assumes the role of mother, a role that society often strongly desexualizes. We are all just CroMagnon reborn. Not you at all by the sounds of it. Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. Yow..I am a 32 year sober alcoholic and thought I had a slight case of ED..but the mens clinics determined thats not the case..its the flat and lifeless attitude I am getting from my wife that kind of keeps things limp. married 57 years. Go be the cat lady then. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. he is very persistent. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. Its not worth the stress. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Fix it. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. You have to find a life without him. Nothing is out of bounds! I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. As I recall when we first started dating we were watching porn together. Yet she constantly professes love. To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. You should know the truth brother. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. Want to know why? She is against the idea of therapy. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! There is no hope for this relationship. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. Now its Im sore there. There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. .! Am I ugly? I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. Thanks for your candid note. At this stage, you may be right about getting help. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. Shes not. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . We started dating in high school and never separated. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. Blah blah blah. If that is not possible, it may be too late.
What to Do If Your Wife No Longer Loves You - Verywell Mind Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. My husband is 46 gringo! Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. the you. Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. He is correct, the therapists want you to have hope so they can have the clients, I spent plenty on it and made numerous loving conversations. Im 77 and if I felt my husband was dissatisfied with our sexless, but not loveless, marriage, Id choose to be single. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.".